Notes on Repatriation

For over a year now I have been officially residing in Havana, my hometown. I always regretted that my parents took me out of Cuba, because it was not my own decision to leave behind the warm sun and the green and radiant blue that enhance my dear island. That is why I always had great nostalgia, and why the dream to live again in this island grew inside me. I am making this dream come true after having lived 60 years abroad, mainly in Germany and England.

I will never say that it was easy to wait so many years until I retired and the Cuban authorities granted me permanent residence, because the nostalgia and longing for one’s country, culture and language are not always easy to overcome.

It is well known that many people are returning to Cuba for different reasons. According to figures of the National Bureau for Statistics and Information (ONEI) in Cuba, 25,176 people have returned home only in the last two years I have read about some cases of repatriates from the USA and other countries, all with different stories, positive and negative for them; annoying experiences with Cuban bureaucracy or with the Cuban society. But no one can avoid having to adjust and adapt themselves, and become acquainted with a Cuba that has changed, that is trying to reach the same development level of the rest of the “alleged” first world, in an eternal open race.

One senses the change that has taken place in Cuba with the opening to tourism, which is being carried out at such speed that we sometimes feel dizzy from its impact in our lives. Although many people complain that nothing changes and that everything will continue to be the same forever, I personally perceive that indeed there is improvement and remarkable advance in quite many areas, from my point of view.

After the extinction of the socialist countries, if compared to the former German Democratic Republic and its unification with the Federal Republic of Germany, Cuba has not received financial support by way of taxes from the population to overcome the deficiencies after the loss of the economic support received from the Soviet Union. That is why the remittances from relatives abroad (immigrants) may be considered development aid. Also considering foreign investments and the careful opening policy of the Cuban government, one can say that Cuba today is a country on the road to development.

Many people abroad, not just the exiles in Miami, have been vigilantly observing during all these years the gradual change that is taking place on the island of Cuba, and today we can be proud that these changes have not produced a bloody confrontation, like many people secretly or openly have feared or expected. The social achievements of the Cuban revolution cannot be minimized and one cannot cease to repeat them constantly. There are almost no countries with few resources that provide such high level health and education services, and free of cost! The fact that many people, i.e., the majority of the citizens, are owners of their houses or apartments, and that communitarian services are so cheap must be emphatically mentioned. However, I have learned that the above-mentioned health services and education are not truly free of cost. A sacrifice must be made by the majority of the workers – in all sectors – to ensure the quality of the service, which is the low salaries and economic needs of these workers. This is sad, and I fear that the great achievements of the Cuban Revolution may be lost. That is why it must be said that for Cubans without any income in addition to their salary or state pension it is impossible to lead a decent life without economic stress.

The truth is that I am a privileged person in Cuba. I have arrived with my modest savings and inserted myself into a deprived neighborhood, “gentrifying” the original neighborhood with my need to continue living my life with the comfort I am used to. I am one of the fortunate repatriates that succeeded in retiring with a moderate pension from Germany. We are observing a growing repatriation trend. It would be interesting to carry out comparative studies on the differences between repatriation in the USA and in Europe. I know people who have repatriated from Switzerland or Spain with similar conditions or even better economic situations than me. And for that reason, life in Cuba is much more pleasant for us.

But when the euphoria of the unknown novelties disappears and the daily struggle for the basic supplies begins, we are all in the same place. I fear that a new class is being created in Cuba, including me; a new reality in Cuba. It is noticeable that modern Cuban socialism does not lack a class structure, since there are already several classes in Cuban society, despite the intended equalitarian treatment.

The experience of the return emigration has given me the opportunity to learn about a high number of new events and facts, feelings and cultural aspects, mentalities and attitudes previously unknown to me. I am learning about many highly important events and both historical and present facts. My Cuban/Latin/Caribbean feelings have finally found their roots, and at the same time I am becoming acquainted with a new cultural esthetics in my daily environment. Sometimes I even come against thoughts and concepts that differ from those I have experienced in Europe. All this thrills me enormously, and it gives me great pleasure to be able to gain new knowledge and experience different forms of learning.

Starting with the language: since I left Cuba at the age of 4 and was raised in Germany, I have a German accent and do not speak the ‘Cuban’ Spanish that people are used to hear. The moment I open my mouth to speak, I am detected as ‘a foreigner’. Sometimes I speak very slowly because I find it difficult to use the adequate phrases. My sentences sometimes have a strange construction, a different syntax. That produces a certain distance in the social day-to-day interactions.

Sometimes I feel the same discrimination I suffered in Germany for being ‘foreign’. I feel the jealousy and the competition of many people. I am a repatriate. The otherness again extends its shadows onto my paths. I note that we are far from acknowledging diversity, that multi-culture that sees the legitimacy of a political order in the respect of the inscrutable otherness of each individual and group, who must have the right to express each one of their identities.

But beware: I have verified that the true diversity scares those who claim the right to diversity. The ‘other’ is only accepted when he is a good other, i.e., if he resembles us That is why we keep pretending to create a multi-cultural world, even knowing that there will always be hegemony. I am excluded and even abused for having several identities. And on top of it, I feel that I belong neither here nor there. ‘Lukewarm water’: perhaps that is how they would have called me in the 1980s in Cuba. That expression is scarcely heard nowadays; perhaps they would have called me ‘yuma’. Then I observe that the xenophobia in Cuba is very similar to the one I experienced elsewhere, i.e., the fear of the strange and unknown exists worldwide. It is a natural basic phenomenon and a human instinct, which surely dates from the origins of the human being and emerged for his own protection. I hope this note serves as stimulus for deeper research on the theme and stories of repatriated persons.

Personal experiences

They call me “the one who pretends to be a foreigner” or “the mad foreigner.” A young male neighbor says to his friend when I go by: “What a place for this foreigner to come to live in!”

Crossing a street, a neighbor calls her husband in a loud voice to come out and look at me: “Run and see who goes there: the foreigner who bought [a house] here in Los Sitios.” I am an exotic character. Here in Havana, just like in Hannover, where I lived in Germany.

Havana is a tough city. One has to conquer it struggling, from the moment one goes out through one’s house door each day. I am having an experience that is similar to a trauma.

Like any immigrant, I’ve had to adjust and adapt to the way in which this society works. First, learning to stand in line to buy any basic item, to fight against the poor service and ill-treatment of many employees in shops and state offices, to face diseases unknown to me, such as dengue fever and scabies. In spite of the undoubtedly excellent medical doctors, a large number of the medicines they prescribed to me are not available in the pharmacies and cannot be bought (unless you know someone who sells them illegally).

My acceptance by the current Cuban society: I believe that being accepted in a new environment is always a long-term process.

I have heard that three years is the usual time for people to get used to you in a work place, a neighborhood and even in a new family, and vice versa.

After a year living in Los Sitios, Centro Habana, unknown people are beginning to greet me. The frequency with which they see me walk the streets makes them more confident that I want to be part of this community and that “I’ve stayed.”

I joined a group who do physical training in the mornings, and there I am meeting many original members of the neighborhood. The hostility of my immediate neighbors is softening. I do not lead an extreme life in any sense. I have friends who visit me, and relatives.

I lead a quiet life, without scandals, clean and generous.

I attended a Balance Meeting convened by our delegate of People’s Power, and it was very interesting to listen to her report and the efforts that the Government is making to improve the living conditions for the people in this deprived neighborhood. Of course there is great dissatisfaction because the targets are not reached or because it is not possible to supply all the adequate communal services. I think that my outstanding cultural and economic differences make it very difficult for the Cubans in my surroundings to accept me. Many compatriots sense that I am a privileged person, and for that reason they are jealous and envious.

They feel that I have come to compete against them.

On the other hand, I often think that a few of my contacts with new Cuban friends lack honesty. Unfortunately, almost always I suspect there is an interest. And you cannot justify a friendship based solely on need or distrust.

Apprenticeship

I keep nourishing myself with the purpose of complementing my own cultural differences and coming to grips with my diverse identities and mentalities.

I was always very much attracted by the joy of living, inborn cheerfulness and humor, and feeling of sovereignty of the Cuban people in general, and individually. Their spirit of solidarity and commitment to help their neighbors are impressive.

I have to admit that it is true that I am privileged, in the sense of being able to choose and quit the Cuban reality whenever I want.

My personality sometimes drives people to despair, particularly young men and women eager to know other places, other realities, and other cultures.

There is already greater access to alternative realities and one does not have to exist only with constructed and indoctrinated realities. We Cubans have the freedom to create our own alternative truths. Today there are more possibilities to compare the duality between the realities we have lived and those projected by the “optimistic” media. One can fill in the blanks of the omissions in the information received through other means. Today it is possible to identify more easily the methods of strategic disinformation, manipulation of thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors.

We can already enter into debates on the damage that fear exerts on criticism, on the development of abilities of political thought. One may already have different opinions without fear of being classified as “counterrevolutionary.”

The discontent for the inequalities among the poor classes, the political and military oligarchy, and the new wealthier Cubans is a reality that cannot be ignored. I recently heard the word ‘sociolism’(socio ¼ buddy) for the first time; in other words, who you know matters. It made me very sad, but I admire the Cuban people for their cleverness.

Finally, what I most like is that I can exercise my political activism within the community of anti-racism fighters and the feminist network. I feel that I am following the same course of activities with the new academic and communitarian female friends I have found, that I have always practiced since my youth in Europe. Besides, I feel that I am experiencing a balance between the experiences of hostility and those of empathy and even astonishment and admiration, from Cubans who stayed and have lived in the island these 60 years of Revolution. That is why I am happy to be able at last to participate, contribute and learn about a better world in Cuba.

This article may serve as initial approach for more profound studies on this subject. I wish to say that I am very much interested in continuing, and in participating in studies about repatriation in Cuba as sociological, anthropological and linguistic disciplines. I invite interested colleagues to contact me. I was interviewed by the Cuban-American professor Iraida H. Lo'pez, Ph.D. from Ramapo College of New Jersey in 2017. Professor Iraida is also working on the repatriation theme and is awaiting the publication of her article, including several interviews.

I leave you my poem, which conveys my whole experience and feelings.

THE REPATRIATE

Am I living a dream or
Am I perhaps experiencing a trauma?
I am an improper insult:
‘the repatriate’.
Migration is not at all easy!
Each day I overcome the fear
of clashing with someone and being a suspect.
Envy devours hearts.
It does not matter.
I am no vulture!
I am celebrating what I am, good gracious! Pure, precious emerald.
I am just another Cuban, people. I did not stay.
I am ‘the one who returned’.

Havana, May 28, 2019